“Are you havin a good summer?” “Well, if it would ever stop raining I might. “ Sound familiar? Complaining about the weather is such an interesting thing. The weather is something that we have absolutely NO control over. We are powerless against it and at it’s mercy. It is what it is. Any time we resist or push against or wish something that is, was different, we make ourselves unhappy. It’s a self-sabotaging behavior kinda like shooting ourselves in the foot. It’s weird that we will allow the weather to have so much control over whether we feel good or bad. I think there are a few things that we could consider trying that would help us feel better regardless of the weather.
Pay attention to our focus.
It’s interesting how we humans are drawn to the negative and the lack of pretty much every subject. Not enough money, time, love, good weather, etc. Yes it rained for 3 hours this morning. But there were 8 hours after that of beautiful summer weather. Yet, we seem to have this compulsive urge to complain about the 3 “bad” hours of weather rather than be grateful for the 8 good hours.
Some people are really obsessed with this. It’ll be a beautiful day out and someone says “What a beautiful day!” And the reply is, “Ya but it’s NOT gonna last. The forecast calls for rain tomorrow.” Bringing the focus back to the rain.
Sure it would be nice if every hour of every day were just the right temperature, but that’s not the way it is. It comes back to our focus. If we are focusing on the “bad” we are not going to feel as good as if we were focusing on the good. Our feelings are a direct result, of our thoughts. So, we can just allow our thoughts to think about the times it IS raining and count them and talk about how it’s a record rainfall year and how you can’t remember a rainy summer like this since 1963 and so on, or we can more purposely direct our attention and thoughts to the positive and therefore feel better.
Besides, too much of a good thing and we start taking it for granted and don’t enjoy it as much. Face it, we’d just be complaining about how dam hot is is out. I’ve noticed on those days when it rains part of the day, then the sun comes out, I appreciate it so much more and actually enjoy it more.
The second thing is our attitude.
We could change our attitude towards rain from rain is bad to rain is good. So, when it starts to rain, instead of thinking, “Oh NO, it’s RAINING so THERE goes our day. It’s gonna SUCK now. How depressing! A wasted day of gloom and misery!” Just writing those words made my heart sink. Did you feel it or was it just me?
Now, just as an experiment, Let’s imagine that water is as valuable and special as the rare and much sought after Lapiz Lazuli gem. And rain is a gift from the gods in reward for us doing such a good job here on earth and this magical and precious liquid bestows us with special powers and means that we will have good luck for the next week.
We would LOVE the rain and be so excited when it came. We’d watch the weather and HOPE for rain. We’d call all our friends and say, “Have you heard? It’s gonna RAIN tomorrow!!! Isn’t that AWESOME!” We are SO blessed! As you imagine this, feel the shift right now in your mood. So, you see that it’s not really the rain that’s bumming us out, it’s our attitude towards it.
The third is thinking of the positive aspects.
Instead of thinking about all the reasons that it’s bad that it’s raining, we could challenge ourselves to think of the many reasons why it’s GOOD that it’s raining a lot this summer. Like, “The grass is SO green!” and “I haven’t had to water my grass ONCE this summer! And “ It’s so SOFT when I walk barefoot on it. Not like those other summers where we hardly get any rain and the grass prickles my feet! What a great savings in my water bill. The streams are nice and full! Think of how happy all the little creatures of the forest are to have all this water. I haven’t had to get a car wash since June 1st” Have YOU noticed how clean the streets are? (you get my point).
So some of you may be rolling your eyes at my flakey ideas and possibly even have your index finger down your throat givin me the Gag sign. I hear ya, “Wow, she sounds high. Maybe hopped up on Benzedrine or something, but definitely under the influence. All this positive talk is a load of crap and really isn’t very cool.” Well, I’d rather be happy than cool. (although I think that I’m both) So, if you care about bein happy and feeling good, don’t knock it till you try it. It actually is kind of like a drug because attitude is mood altering.
So, go ahead and inhale a little positive attitude. You can even drive safe and there are no munchies afterwards.
What do you think?
Can you think of more funny reasons why the rain is good?
Donate To Yourself
Monday, August 24, 2009 by Banny Tyskiewicz , under
I was recently asked to speak at an event about Contribution. My first reaction was “ugh!” The word contribution brought up negative feelings of resistance. I imagined people asking me for money, maybe showing pictures of hungry kids or telling stories about sick people. Someone’s gonna be telling me what I should be doing that I’m not and therefore inadequate and a slacker and really not pullin my weight here in the world. More pressure and guilt. A total downer. Not to mention joy drainers.
So, I decided to talk about how we can contribute to ourselves. Yup! That immediately felt good. And right!... …. But then …….a tiny voice of self doubt appeared in my head saying all attitudey like, “Oh Wow!, contributing to yourself! Aren’t you the generous one!” Then an all out ticker tape parade marched through the streets of my head with comments like, “I can see it now, you’ll be winning Philanthropist of the Year for this!” “Mother Theresa, step aside, a new contender has emerged!” And, “The Mayor will want to get his picture with you and maybe make a plaque in honor of your efforts, to be hung on the walls of our City Hall and possibly your name inscribed on a bench at the park.” (Ya, I was definitely getting mocked ….but it continued). Geez, When you enter a building an announcement will come over the loud speaker saying , “ Banny T is In the House.” “She gives so much!” , “To Herself!”. And your throngs of adoring fans will lift you up in the chair you’re sitting on and carry you around cheering and chanting your name!”
Then, there were even a group of snooty girls in the corner of my mind giving me the evil eye, whispering to each other, but loud enough for me to hear, “Selfish Bitch!”
Ha Ha. “Very funny”, I said to the committee in my head. Let me explain.
If I’m really honest with myself (and now with you too since you’re reading this), for most of my life, there were too many times when I “contributed” for the wrong reasons.
One reason was, I had a hard time saying “No“. I worried that, people were asking and expecting me to help out so I better or their gonna be mad at me and not like me or look down on me. I was doing things for people’s approval and acceptance. I was trying to please everyone.
Christine Kane has a great article on her blog called, Are you a People Pleaser or an Approval Hoar? I think I was both and possibly even a Service Slut.
Reason two, I’ll like myself more. I was taking up space in the world and really didn’t have much to offer as far as unique gifts or special talents, so maybe if I did a lot for people, I’ll earn my worthiness to feel good about myself and my worthiness to be here.
Back then, the idea of doing things for myself, would have sounded selfish. I would rarely entertain it. I remember when I first heard of the Lifestream Basic course for personal and professional growth. I wanted to attend it, because I new it would improve the quality of my life.
But, I felt guilty at the thought of spending that much money on myself. I thought, “I should use that money to take the kids on a weekend trip or to enroll them in an art class or pay off my credit cards.” (Btw, the return on the investment in myself to attend the Lifestream course was 100 fold. Instead of my kids having one more fun weekend, they got a happier mom for the rest of their lives. No brainer! ) I also remember buying blueberries and raspberries and not letting myself have any because they’re so expensive and I felt that I should just save them for the kids.
Another example was when I bought myself a facial several years ago and hardly let myself enjoy the experience because the whole time I was busy thinking about how expensive it was and how it was a bad choice of how to spend my money and who do I think I am, some princess laying there getting pampered with a facial.
Ok so right now you probably either relating to some of these experiences and feelings or thinking , “Wow, what a train wreck!”
The good news is, once I began doing work on myself towards personal growth , I began loving myself more. After that everything else seemed to just fall into place. It’s really quite amazing and cool how this works.
I love and take care of myself first and foremost. (Btw, Loving yourself is very different than being arrogant or thinking you’re better than someone else.) So, as my self love grows, it naturally and effortlessly spills over to loving others in a sincere and authentic way. I say “no”, more often, to things I don’t want to do. They might be things like bringing someone a meal who just had surgery . I LOVE the idea of that and kinda wish I would, but I don’t like cooking at all and am not good at it. So, I’ll have to leave that for someone else.
Now, I contribute with things I like to do. And the total kicker is that when I am contributing to others with things I enjoy, and use my own natural gifts, like teaching about meditation or personal growth, leading a meditation or writing this blog, not only is it almost effortless, I’m actually feeding myself!. I get JUST as much or more out of it as anyone else does. It’s Totally F@$$in cool!
I continue to contribute more and more to myself all the time. I actually spend a lot of money and give a lot of time to myself. Not things like buying some useless consumer good, but things that feed my soul . It could be things like, taking regular walks in the woods, attending personal growth workshops every few months, taking an art class, dance class, music lessons, writing class, joining a drama club, seeing a counselor or psychologist, signing up for a meditation class, buying a new meditation cd, giving myself time each day to read a book that uplifts me (see my suggested reading list), getting a massage or reiki once a month, , buying some magnetic reflexology sandals (that one was a joke) , etc.
Ok, so I just took a break from writing this blog cause it’s a beautiful day outside. I told myself I was going to take 30 minutes to lie in the sun. As SOON as I sat down, I thought of about 3 different things that I could be doing that are more productive like laundry and payin the bills and sweeping the kitchen floor. Then , in order to not get up and do any of those things, I had to list for myself all of the things that I had accomplished that day and therefore have earned the 30 minutes in the sun. Shit! I guess I haven’t arrived yet……… But I AM farther along on the journey.
So ….. when I contribute to my own growth, I am improving my relationship with myself. The other huge bonus is that as my relationship with myself improves, my relationships with everyone else seems to naturally improve easily and effortlessly. It’s very cool. I really believe the happier we are the more we have to offer to everyone that crosses our path. Even if it’s just that we smile more at people and how that can lift another person up. ( Oh ya, and people who really like themselves and are “comfortable in their skin” are also way hotter, no matter what they look like.)
Ok so here’s a simple little test to see how your relationship with yourself is doing. Right now, step away from the computer. Go to the nearest mirror. Look yourself straight in the eyes and say out loud, “ I love you _____” and put your name in there…..Well? Don’t just sit there. Do it!
How did it feel? It is kinda unusual to do so it’s gonna feel a little strange, but if it felt really uncomfortable, then that may be a sign that you need to contribute more to your relationship with yourself. When that relationship is good, life is SO much more fun for you and everyone that you encounter!
- Banny
So, I decided to talk about how we can contribute to ourselves. Yup! That immediately felt good. And right!... …. But then …….a tiny voice of self doubt appeared in my head saying all attitudey like, “Oh Wow!, contributing to yourself! Aren’t you the generous one!” Then an all out ticker tape parade marched through the streets of my head with comments like, “I can see it now, you’ll be winning Philanthropist of the Year for this!” “Mother Theresa, step aside, a new contender has emerged!” And, “The Mayor will want to get his picture with you and maybe make a plaque in honor of your efforts, to be hung on the walls of our City Hall and possibly your name inscribed on a bench at the park.” (Ya, I was definitely getting mocked ….but it continued). Geez, When you enter a building an announcement will come over the loud speaker saying , “ Banny T is In the House.” “She gives so much!” , “To Herself!”. And your throngs of adoring fans will lift you up in the chair you’re sitting on and carry you around cheering and chanting your name!”
Then, there were even a group of snooty girls in the corner of my mind giving me the evil eye, whispering to each other, but loud enough for me to hear, “Selfish Bitch!”
Ha Ha. “Very funny”, I said to the committee in my head. Let me explain.
If I’m really honest with myself (and now with you too since you’re reading this), for most of my life, there were too many times when I “contributed” for the wrong reasons.
One reason was, I had a hard time saying “No“. I worried that, people were asking and expecting me to help out so I better or their gonna be mad at me and not like me or look down on me. I was doing things for people’s approval and acceptance. I was trying to please everyone.
Christine Kane has a great article on her blog called, Are you a People Pleaser or an Approval Hoar? I think I was both and possibly even a Service Slut.
Reason two, I’ll like myself more. I was taking up space in the world and really didn’t have much to offer as far as unique gifts or special talents, so maybe if I did a lot for people, I’ll earn my worthiness to feel good about myself and my worthiness to be here.
Back then, the idea of doing things for myself, would have sounded selfish. I would rarely entertain it. I remember when I first heard of the Lifestream Basic course for personal and professional growth. I wanted to attend it, because I new it would improve the quality of my life.
But, I felt guilty at the thought of spending that much money on myself. I thought, “I should use that money to take the kids on a weekend trip or to enroll them in an art class or pay off my credit cards.” (Btw, the return on the investment in myself to attend the Lifestream course was 100 fold. Instead of my kids having one more fun weekend, they got a happier mom for the rest of their lives. No brainer! ) I also remember buying blueberries and raspberries and not letting myself have any because they’re so expensive and I felt that I should just save them for the kids.
Another example was when I bought myself a facial several years ago and hardly let myself enjoy the experience because the whole time I was busy thinking about how expensive it was and how it was a bad choice of how to spend my money and who do I think I am, some princess laying there getting pampered with a facial.
Ok so right now you probably either relating to some of these experiences and feelings or thinking , “Wow, what a train wreck!”
The good news is, once I began doing work on myself towards personal growth , I began loving myself more. After that everything else seemed to just fall into place. It’s really quite amazing and cool how this works.
I love and take care of myself first and foremost. (Btw, Loving yourself is very different than being arrogant or thinking you’re better than someone else.) So, as my self love grows, it naturally and effortlessly spills over to loving others in a sincere and authentic way. I say “no”, more often, to things I don’t want to do. They might be things like bringing someone a meal who just had surgery . I LOVE the idea of that and kinda wish I would, but I don’t like cooking at all and am not good at it. So, I’ll have to leave that for someone else.
Now, I contribute with things I like to do. And the total kicker is that when I am contributing to others with things I enjoy, and use my own natural gifts, like teaching about meditation or personal growth, leading a meditation or writing this blog, not only is it almost effortless, I’m actually feeding myself!. I get JUST as much or more out of it as anyone else does. It’s Totally F@$$in cool!
I continue to contribute more and more to myself all the time. I actually spend a lot of money and give a lot of time to myself. Not things like buying some useless consumer good, but things that feed my soul . It could be things like, taking regular walks in the woods, attending personal growth workshops every few months, taking an art class, dance class, music lessons, writing class, joining a drama club, seeing a counselor or psychologist, signing up for a meditation class, buying a new meditation cd, giving myself time each day to read a book that uplifts me (see my suggested reading list), getting a massage or reiki once a month, , buying some magnetic reflexology sandals (that one was a joke) , etc.
Ok, so I just took a break from writing this blog cause it’s a beautiful day outside. I told myself I was going to take 30 minutes to lie in the sun. As SOON as I sat down, I thought of about 3 different things that I could be doing that are more productive like laundry and payin the bills and sweeping the kitchen floor. Then , in order to not get up and do any of those things, I had to list for myself all of the things that I had accomplished that day and therefore have earned the 30 minutes in the sun. Shit! I guess I haven’t arrived yet……… But I AM farther along on the journey.
So ….. when I contribute to my own growth, I am improving my relationship with myself. The other huge bonus is that as my relationship with myself improves, my relationships with everyone else seems to naturally improve easily and effortlessly. It’s very cool. I really believe the happier we are the more we have to offer to everyone that crosses our path. Even if it’s just that we smile more at people and how that can lift another person up. ( Oh ya, and people who really like themselves and are “comfortable in their skin” are also way hotter, no matter what they look like.)
Ok so here’s a simple little test to see how your relationship with yourself is doing. Right now, step away from the computer. Go to the nearest mirror. Look yourself straight in the eyes and say out loud, “ I love you _____” and put your name in there…..Well? Don’t just sit there. Do it!
How did it feel? It is kinda unusual to do so it’s gonna feel a little strange, but if it felt really uncomfortable, then that may be a sign that you need to contribute more to your relationship with yourself. When that relationship is good, life is SO much more fun for you and everyone that you encounter!
- Banny
Enjoy the Journey? Ya Right!
Monday, August 3, 2009 by Banny Tyskiewicz , under
I figured I’d write my first Blog about the name of my web site, Njoythejourney. I chose this name because I want to share the tools and ideas that I’ve found to enjoy the journey of our day to day life more .
I enjoy life a lot right now. But, for many of my adult years, I didn‘t. Ya maybe I enjoyed a couple hours each day or a couple hours each Friday and Saturday night after a few glasses of a good Chardonay, but now I enjoy every day all day except for about an hour or so when things get a little wonky and I allow myself to become overwhelmed. Right now, my life is pretty much a full blown, psychedelic love fest. (Ok, I’m exaggerating ) But, I was thinking about the reasons why many of us don’t enjoy the majority of our days and for that matter lives, and these are the top 4 reasons I came up with?
Reason # 1. “How the hell could I with all these problems?” You might be thinking, well you’re enjoying life cause you don’t have any problems, but I can’t cause I just lost my job or I have this health problem or I’ve just been a victim of Identity Theft. etc. The truth is that everybody has problems but the key is to not worry and obsess on them. Worrisome thoughts attract more worrisome thoughts and they eventually take over your mind like some sort of mind controlling alien. We all know worry doesn’t make anything one bit better. Worry causes fear which builds and builds until it’s like a giant snowball rolling down a mountain out of control. When we’re worrying, we usually end up making bad decisions anyways because we’re trying to prevent another bad thing from happening. Worry steals joy like no other.
Instead of worrying we could a) Meditate which stops or at least slows down the obsessive thoughts. When we stop the obsessive thoughts we immediately feel relief. Try repeating a Mantra like “Everything is gonna be ok”, or “It’ll all work out “.B) Try to think of the best aspect of the “situation”. (if we stop calling it a problem that helps too) . Eg. “ My mom does have cancer, but at least she has a lot of good doctors working with her and there are so many success stories about people that are treated and go on to live healthy lives for many years. And you should see all the love and support she is getting from neighbors and family members.” Or, c) Think about something else completely, that is going well. Seriously, continuing to think the same 3 thoughts about that subject isn’t solving anything. Release and let go of it and trust that God or the universe is taking care of it. Do something that helps get your mind off it and feel better like listen to music, read a book, go for a walk, put on some Michael Jackson and sing into your hair brush, etc.
Reason # 2. “Life is serious and hard.” “I have a very stressful job and too much work and there’s the seals being killed for their fur and global warming and swine flu and aids and crime and acne and so on and so on. Well, I strongly suggest breaking up with your television or at least STOP WATCHING SO MUCH NEWS. It’s all bad and who really gives a crap what Paris Hilton is doing this week. You won’t miss anything except maybe for that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Seriously if there’s something important you really need to know like a giant meteor is due to hit earth so we all need to go in the basement, I think someone will tell you about it.
Sometimes it’s just the little day to day stuff that happens that takes the wind out of our sails. And usually it happens all in the same day. Your hairdresser gives you a mullet , you get a call from your 6 year old sons teacher that he’s shown his underwear to Amy for the second time this week, the Food Mart is out of Captain Crunchies, one of your knitting needles is lost and ….you get the picture. Don’t take life so seriously. Laugh stuff off. Who knows, Maybe you’ll start a new trend and mullets will come back in style. Amy really should know what boys underwear look like. She’s been too dam sheltered anyways. And, there Is a really cool spy toy in Frooty Loops this week.
Reason # 3. “I’m gonna start enjoying life once I ……get that promotion, lose 5o pounds, move into my dream house, make more money, become a professional hula dancer, my children grow up and move to Florida, (you get the idea). Have you ever noticed that when one of these things does happen, we’re happy for a day or two, then we’re back to the same empty feeling. That’s cause joy and peace don’t come from anything outside us. We seem to know this deep down inside but we can’t seem to get this through our thick skulls. Right inside every one of us is “the peace that passes all understanding.” That’s the coolest part, but the part most Westerners don’t believe. Quieting our minds and becoming present helps us overcome that “waiting till” thinking. Echart Tolle’s The Power of the Now is a great read for this.
One of my favorite quotes, “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
Reason # 4. “There are all these stupid and mean people making my life suck” . “My boss gives me too much work. My employees keep making mistakes. My spouse doesn’t help with dinner and my kids won‘t get ready for school without me screaming and yelling . If everybody just behaved the way I wanted them to, then I’d really be happy.” You may be right about all of these things, but this is a sure fire road to frustration and despair. I hat to say it but if we want to be happy we have to let go of the control and accept the way they are. We gotta stop trying to change anybody or even stop wishing they were different.
I hear you . You’re yelling, “BITE ME! He should help and those little demons have to learn to be ready in time.“ Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just beat them all into submission too, but trying to change anyone really doesn’t work. They may fake it while you’re looking, but as soon as your back is turned they’re gonna go back to their way of doing things. It also causes resentment in them and you and therefore a problem in your relationship. But, most of us would rather be right than happy. I’m not saying that you should let anyone walk on you and you should make dinner every night , but maybe just continue to make dinner 3 times per week and let everyone help themselves to goldfish crackers and string cheese the other nights. At least there won’t be dishes to wash. Really, the world’s not gonna come to an end and who cares what the pediatrician thinks when the kids tell her.
Try to focus on the things you appreciate about that person like, “He does mow the lawn nicely, gives me good foot rubs sometimes, we have great conversations at times and he has a great ass.” See those people as teachers of one of life’s best lessons, “How to be happy in spite of anyone else’s behavior.”
It comes down to the focus of our thoughts, since thoughts create feelings. So choose the good ones. One of my favorite quotes, “I choose beauty as my focus. Beauty is all around me, in every person, every thing, even in the worst of circumstances. “
- Banny
I enjoy life a lot right now. But, for many of my adult years, I didn‘t. Ya maybe I enjoyed a couple hours each day or a couple hours each Friday and Saturday night after a few glasses of a good Chardonay, but now I enjoy every day all day except for about an hour or so when things get a little wonky and I allow myself to become overwhelmed. Right now, my life is pretty much a full blown, psychedelic love fest. (Ok, I’m exaggerating ) But, I was thinking about the reasons why many of us don’t enjoy the majority of our days and for that matter lives, and these are the top 4 reasons I came up with?
Reason # 1. “How the hell could I with all these problems?” You might be thinking, well you’re enjoying life cause you don’t have any problems, but I can’t cause I just lost my job or I have this health problem or I’ve just been a victim of Identity Theft. etc. The truth is that everybody has problems but the key is to not worry and obsess on them. Worrisome thoughts attract more worrisome thoughts and they eventually take over your mind like some sort of mind controlling alien. We all know worry doesn’t make anything one bit better. Worry causes fear which builds and builds until it’s like a giant snowball rolling down a mountain out of control. When we’re worrying, we usually end up making bad decisions anyways because we’re trying to prevent another bad thing from happening. Worry steals joy like no other.
Instead of worrying we could a) Meditate which stops or at least slows down the obsessive thoughts. When we stop the obsessive thoughts we immediately feel relief. Try repeating a Mantra like “Everything is gonna be ok”, or “It’ll all work out “.B) Try to think of the best aspect of the “situation”. (if we stop calling it a problem that helps too) . Eg. “ My mom does have cancer, but at least she has a lot of good doctors working with her and there are so many success stories about people that are treated and go on to live healthy lives for many years. And you should see all the love and support she is getting from neighbors and family members.” Or, c) Think about something else completely, that is going well. Seriously, continuing to think the same 3 thoughts about that subject isn’t solving anything. Release and let go of it and trust that God or the universe is taking care of it. Do something that helps get your mind off it and feel better like listen to music, read a book, go for a walk, put on some Michael Jackson and sing into your hair brush, etc.
Reason # 2. “Life is serious and hard.” “I have a very stressful job and too much work and there’s the seals being killed for their fur and global warming and swine flu and aids and crime and acne and so on and so on. Well, I strongly suggest breaking up with your television or at least STOP WATCHING SO MUCH NEWS. It’s all bad and who really gives a crap what Paris Hilton is doing this week. You won’t miss anything except maybe for that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Seriously if there’s something important you really need to know like a giant meteor is due to hit earth so we all need to go in the basement, I think someone will tell you about it.
Sometimes it’s just the little day to day stuff that happens that takes the wind out of our sails. And usually it happens all in the same day. Your hairdresser gives you a mullet , you get a call from your 6 year old sons teacher that he’s shown his underwear to Amy for the second time this week, the Food Mart is out of Captain Crunchies, one of your knitting needles is lost and ….you get the picture. Don’t take life so seriously. Laugh stuff off. Who knows, Maybe you’ll start a new trend and mullets will come back in style. Amy really should know what boys underwear look like. She’s been too dam sheltered anyways. And, there Is a really cool spy toy in Frooty Loops this week.
Reason # 3. “I’m gonna start enjoying life once I ……get that promotion, lose 5o pounds, move into my dream house, make more money, become a professional hula dancer, my children grow up and move to Florida, (you get the idea). Have you ever noticed that when one of these things does happen, we’re happy for a day or two, then we’re back to the same empty feeling. That’s cause joy and peace don’t come from anything outside us. We seem to know this deep down inside but we can’t seem to get this through our thick skulls. Right inside every one of us is “the peace that passes all understanding.” That’s the coolest part, but the part most Westerners don’t believe. Quieting our minds and becoming present helps us overcome that “waiting till” thinking. Echart Tolle’s The Power of the Now is a great read for this.
One of my favorite quotes, “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
Reason # 4. “There are all these stupid and mean people making my life suck” . “My boss gives me too much work. My employees keep making mistakes. My spouse doesn’t help with dinner and my kids won‘t get ready for school without me screaming and yelling . If everybody just behaved the way I wanted them to, then I’d really be happy.” You may be right about all of these things, but this is a sure fire road to frustration and despair. I hat to say it but if we want to be happy we have to let go of the control and accept the way they are. We gotta stop trying to change anybody or even stop wishing they were different.
I hear you . You’re yelling, “BITE ME! He should help and those little demons have to learn to be ready in time.“ Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just beat them all into submission too, but trying to change anyone really doesn’t work. They may fake it while you’re looking, but as soon as your back is turned they’re gonna go back to their way of doing things. It also causes resentment in them and you and therefore a problem in your relationship. But, most of us would rather be right than happy. I’m not saying that you should let anyone walk on you and you should make dinner every night , but maybe just continue to make dinner 3 times per week and let everyone help themselves to goldfish crackers and string cheese the other nights. At least there won’t be dishes to wash. Really, the world’s not gonna come to an end and who cares what the pediatrician thinks when the kids tell her.
Try to focus on the things you appreciate about that person like, “He does mow the lawn nicely, gives me good foot rubs sometimes, we have great conversations at times and he has a great ass.” See those people as teachers of one of life’s best lessons, “How to be happy in spite of anyone else’s behavior.”
It comes down to the focus of our thoughts, since thoughts create feelings. So choose the good ones. One of my favorite quotes, “I choose beauty as my focus. Beauty is all around me, in every person, every thing, even in the worst of circumstances. “
- Banny
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