For a while I hated to admit this, but I’ve come to realize that no matter how much work I’ve done on being positive, present, centered and evolved I’m still gonna have bad days every once in a while.

Those days where the old critical self defeating voices that aren’t around too much anymore are pretty much havin a party in my head. I usually start by tryin to scare them away with my most powerful affirmations. The ones posted on index cards on my bathroom mirror. But they just ignore me. One looks up, bursts out laughing and drops a case of Milwaukee’s Best on the table, then sets out the cups for beer pong, like they plan on stayin for a while.

I sit down to meditate to quiet them. That’s when one chick puts her hand on her hip, lights up a cigarette , picks up a microphone and says, “Ya lets see ya quiet THIS” and goes on to remind me of all my faults and fears and times when I made mistakes.

So, I put on my crystal earrings, chakra necklace and the magnetic reflexology sandals that I got at the psychic fair.


They counter the attack by waving those big foam hands. You know the ones you see at professional sporting events with the team’s name on them and the first finger up for Number 1? Except these ones are doin the Loser sign and instead of a team name they say, “Bite Me”.

So……. what can we do when we try everything, and nothing seems to get us out of the grungies?

SHOTS! …… Just Kidding. That could help a little in the short run, but you’ll feel worse once you stop drinking so I’m really not recommending that.

Things you could do:

1. Take a nap. The rest will help a lot. It will also stop the negative thought patterns for a while to give you some relief. When you wake up, they won’t be as strong, so you could try meditating again and it will probably work well.
2. Take a walk. Not a walk where you just think about everything, but a walk where you just think about walking. Ya, I’m not kidding. Like think about the sound of your feet on the ground and the sounds around you and how your feet feel on the ground and how your legs feel to lift and move. Its called a walking meditation and is a practice in being present. A walk in nature is the best because there is healing power in all of nature.
3. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad. Don’t beat yourself up over it or feel like you‘ve failed in some way. Know that bad days are normal, and everyone has them. It’s just like how everyone gets a cold or a fever every once in a while. Then the fever breaks and we get over it.
4. Call in sick. We all need mental health days. Ask yourself what do I need today? And give that to yourself. This way you could nap, watch TV in bed or read a book, take your walk and do whatever else makes you feel better. The key is to take good care of yourself on these days.
5. Surrender. Give up. Say, “uncle”. Accept things as they are and allow the flow of life to take care of you. Trust that it will carry you to a better place. Sometimes we look at the situation right in front of us and it looks “bad”. But we can’t see the big picture. Often times it is a blessing or miracle in disguise. Trust that God or the Universe knows what it’s doing and it’ll all work out for the best.
6. I’ll repeat this cause it’s so important. Take good care of yourself. Maybe a hot bubble bath, some tea, paint your toenails, play some comfort music. That could mean Barry Manalo, Enya or Michael Jackson. Whatever feels good.
7. If you do go to work, or do things other than your choice, just be very present. Do that one thing completely. Seeing and smelling and feeling and being there with one thing at a time.
8. Say or write things that you’re grateful for. (This is WAY more powerful than most people realize) At my low times, this can be a little hard, but anything like, “I’m grateful that I’m alive, I have breath and lungs and air, and water to drink and a chair to sit on and blankets on my bed, and socks and a toothbrush. If you can do this for 60 seconds it will have great attracting power for more positive thoughts and I guarantee you’ll feel an immediate shift and sense of relief.
9. Repeat a Mantra to quiet your worrisome thoughts and bring relief. Probably on a bad day a true but lofty mantra like, “I am a divine being living in a divine world” or “Wild animals lie down as I pass because I am pure positive energy and have divine powers to realign stars, move mountains and walk on water”, will just make you roll your eyes and feel worse. Save those for days when you’re feeling good and they’ll raise you to an even higher level. On a bad day, try a simple mantra like, “It’s going to be ok”, “I am safe”, “I accept Peace in all areas of my life”, “I intend to feel good”.

Now, after doing some of these things, you’re probably not gonna experience a dramatic ascension into peak vibrational levels of light and awareness, or be doin the hokey pokey by dinner time, but you’ll get some relief and back on the track to feelin good. And in no time you’ll be singin into your hairbrush to “You Can Ring My Bell” or auditioning for the local “Sexiest Person Alive” contest.

“Are you havin a good summer?”  “Well, if it would ever stop raining I might. “  Sound familiar?  Complaining about the weather is such an interesting thing.  The weather is something that we have absolutely NO control over. We are powerless against it and at it’s mercy.  It is what it is.  Any time we resist or push against or wish something that is, was different,  we make ourselves unhappy. It’s a self-sabotaging behavior kinda like shooting ourselves in the foot.  It’s weird that we will allow the weather to have so much control over whether we feel good or bad.  I think there are a few things that we could consider trying that would help us feel better regardless of the weather.

Pay attention to our focus.

It’s interesting how we humans are drawn to the negative and the lack of pretty much every subject.  Not enough money, time, love, good weather, etc. Yes it rained for 3 hours this morning.  But there were 8 hours after that of beautiful summer weather.  Yet, we seem to have this compulsive urge to complain about the 3 “bad” hours of weather rather than be grateful for the 8 good hours.

Some people are really obsessed with this.  It’ll be a beautiful day out and someone says “What a beautiful day!”  And the reply is,  “Ya but it’s NOT gonna last.  The forecast calls for rain tomorrow.”  Bringing the focus back to the rain.

Sure it would be nice if every hour of every day were just the right temperature, but that’s not the way it is.  It comes back to our focus.  If we are focusing on the “bad” we are not going to feel as good as if we were focusing on the good.  Our feelings are a direct result, of our thoughts.  So, we can just allow our thoughts to think about the times it IS raining and count them and talk about how it’s a record rainfall year and how you can’t remember a rainy summer like this since 1963 and so on,  or we can more purposely direct our attention and thoughts to the positive and therefore feel better.

Besides, too much of a good thing and we start taking it for granted and don’t enjoy it as much.  Face it, we’d just be complaining about how dam hot is is out.  I’ve noticed on those days when it rains part of the day, then the sun comes out,  I appreciate it so much more and actually enjoy it more.

The second thing is our attitude.

We could change our attitude towards rain from rain is bad to rain is good.  So,  when it starts to rain, instead of thinking, “Oh NO, it’s RAINING so THERE goes our day. It’s gonna SUCK now.  How depressing! A wasted day of gloom and misery!” Just writing those words made my heart sink.  Did you feel it or was it just me?

Now, just as an experiment, Let’s imagine that water is as valuable and special as the rare and much sought after Lapiz Lazuli gem.  And rain is a gift from the gods in reward for us doing such a good job here on earth and this magical and precious liquid bestows us with special powers and means that we will have good luck for the next week.

We would LOVE the rain and be so excited when it came.  We’d watch the weather and HOPE for rain.  We’d call all our friends and say, “Have you heard?  It’s gonna RAIN tomorrow!!!  Isn’t that AWESOME!”  We are SO blessed!  As you imagine this, feel the shift right now in your mood.  So, you see that it’s not really the rain that’s bumming us out, it’s our attitude towards it.

The third is thinking of the positive aspects.

Instead of thinking about all the reasons that it’s bad that it’s raining, we could challenge ourselves to think of the many reasons why it’s GOOD that it’s raining a lot this summer.  Like, “The grass is SO green!”  and “I haven’t had to water my grass ONCE this summer!  And “ It’s so SOFT when I walk barefoot on it.  Not like those other summers where we hardly get any rain and the grass prickles my feet!     What a great savings in my water bill.  The streams are nice and full!  Think of how happy all the little creatures of the forest are to have all this water. I haven’t had to get a car wash since June 1st” Have YOU noticed how clean the streets are?  (you get my point).

So some of you may be rolling your eyes at my flakey ideas and possibly even have your index finger down your throat givin me the Gag sign.  I hear ya, “Wow, she sounds high.  Maybe hopped up on Benzedrine or something,  but definitely under the influence.  All this positive talk is a load of crap and really isn’t very cool.”  Well, I’d rather be happy than cool. (although I think that I’m both)    So, if you care about bein happy and feeling good, don’t knock it till you try it.  It actually is kind of like a drug because attitude is mood altering.

So, go ahead and inhale a little positive attitude.  You can even drive safe and there are no munchies afterwards.

What do you think?

Can you think of more funny reasons why the rain is good?

I was recently asked to speak at an event about Contribution. My first reaction was “ugh!” The word contribution brought up negative feelings of resistance. I imagined people asking me for money, maybe showing pictures of hungry kids or telling stories about sick people. Someone’s gonna be telling me what I should be doing that I’m not and therefore inadequate and a slacker and really not pullin my weight here in the world. More pressure and guilt. A total downer. Not to mention joy drainers.

So, I decided to talk about how we can contribute to ourselves. Yup! That immediately felt good. And right!... …. But then …….a tiny voice of self doubt appeared in my head saying all attitudey like, “Oh Wow!, contributing to yourself! Aren’t you the generous one!” Then an all out ticker tape parade marched through the streets of my head with comments like, “I can see it now, you’ll be winning Philanthropist of the Year for this!” “Mother Theresa, step aside, a new contender has emerged!” And, “The Mayor will want to get his picture with you and maybe make a plaque in honor of your efforts, to be hung on the walls of our City Hall and possibly your name inscribed on a bench at the park.” (Ya, I was definitely getting mocked ….but it continued). Geez, When you enter a building an announcement will come over the loud speaker saying , “ Banny T is In the House.” “She gives so much!” , “To Herself!”. And your throngs of adoring fans will lift you up in the chair you’re sitting on and carry you around cheering and chanting your name!”

Then, there were even a group of snooty girls in the corner of my mind giving me the evil eye, whispering to each other, but loud enough for me to hear, “Selfish Bitch!”

Ha Ha. “Very funny”, I said to the committee in my head. Let me explain.
If I’m really honest with myself (and now with you too since you’re reading this), for most of my life, there were too many times when I “contributed” for the wrong reasons.

One reason was, I had a hard time saying “No“. I worried that, people were asking and expecting me to help out so I better or their gonna be mad at me and not like me or look down on me. I was doing things for people’s approval and acceptance. I was trying to please everyone.

Christine Kane has a great article on her blog called, Are you a People Pleaser or an Approval Hoar? I think I was both and possibly even a Service Slut.

Reason two, I’ll like myself more. I was taking up space in the world and really didn’t have much to offer as far as unique gifts or special talents, so maybe if I did a lot for people, I’ll earn my worthiness to feel good about myself and my worthiness to be here.

Back then, the idea of doing things for myself, would have sounded selfish. I would rarely entertain it. I remember when I first heard of the Lifestream Basic course for personal and professional growth. I wanted to attend it, because I new it would improve the quality of my life.

But, I felt guilty at the thought of spending that much money on myself. I thought, “I should use that money to take the kids on a weekend trip or to enroll them in an art class or pay off my credit cards.” (Btw, the return on the investment in myself to attend the Lifestream course was 100 fold. Instead of my kids having one more fun weekend, they got a happier mom for the rest of their lives. No brainer! ) I also remember buying blueberries and raspberries and not letting myself have any because they’re so expensive and I felt that I should just save them for the kids.

Another example was when I bought myself a facial several years ago and hardly let myself enjoy the experience because the whole time I was busy thinking about how expensive it was and how it was a bad choice of how to spend my money and who do I think I am, some princess laying there getting pampered with a facial.

Ok so right now you probably either relating to some of these experiences and feelings or thinking , “Wow, what a train wreck!”

The good news is, once I began doing work on myself towards personal growth , I began loving myself more. After that everything else seemed to just fall into place. It’s really quite amazing and cool how this works.

I love and take care of myself first and foremost. (Btw, Loving yourself is very different than being arrogant or thinking you’re better than someone else.) So, as my self love grows, it naturally and effortlessly spills over to loving others in a sincere and authentic way. I say “no”, more often, to things I don’t want to do. They might be things like bringing someone a meal who just had surgery . I LOVE the idea of that and kinda wish I would, but I don’t like cooking at all and am not good at it. So, I’ll have to leave that for someone else.

Now, I contribute with things I like to do. And the total kicker is that when I am contributing to others with things I enjoy, and use my own natural gifts, like teaching about meditation or personal growth, leading a meditation or writing this blog, not only is it almost effortless, I’m actually feeding myself!. I get JUST as much or more out of it as anyone else does. It’s Totally F@$$in cool!

I continue to contribute more and more to myself all the time. I actually spend a lot of money and give a lot of time to myself. Not things like buying some useless consumer good, but things that feed my soul . It could be things like, taking regular walks in the woods, attending personal growth workshops every few months, taking an art class, dance class, music lessons, writing class, joining a drama club, seeing a counselor or psychologist, signing up for a meditation class, buying a new meditation cd, giving myself time each day to read a book that uplifts me (see my suggested reading list), getting a massage or reiki once a month, , buying some magnetic reflexology sandals (that one was a joke) , etc.

Ok, so I just took a break from writing this blog cause it’s a beautiful day outside. I told myself I was going to take 30 minutes to lie in the sun. As SOON as I sat down, I thought of about 3 different things that I could be doing that are more productive like laundry and payin the bills and sweeping the kitchen floor. Then , in order to not get up and do any of those things, I had to list for myself all of the things that I had accomplished that day and therefore have earned the 30 minutes in the sun. Shit! I guess I haven’t arrived yet……… But I AM farther along on the journey.

So ….. when I contribute to my own growth, I am improving my relationship with myself. The other huge bonus is that as my relationship with myself improves, my relationships with everyone else seems to naturally improve easily and effortlessly. It’s very cool. I really believe the happier we are the more we have to offer to everyone that crosses our path. Even if it’s just that we smile more at people and how that can lift another person up. ( Oh ya, and people who really like themselves and are “comfortable in their skin” are also way hotter, no matter what they look like.)

Ok so here’s a simple little test to see how your relationship with yourself is doing. Right now, step away from the computer. Go to the nearest mirror. Look yourself straight in the eyes and say out loud, “ I love you _____” and put your name in there…..Well? Don’t just sit there. Do it!
How did it feel? It is kinda unusual to do so it’s gonna feel a little strange, but if it felt really uncomfortable, then that may be a sign that you need to contribute more to your relationship with yourself. When that relationship is good, life is SO much more fun for you and everyone that you encounter!

- Banny